The parallel between Call of Duty and Jane

It is not a secret that I do enjoy to come home after a long day; have a beer and relax. Sometimes, I will watch TV or lay on the hammock. Other times, I will fire up the PS3 and call on my digital soldier to pit him against thousands of others in the PlayStation Network battlegrounds. I do understand why the wife thinks it is not entertaining because of the gunfire and douchebags that spend hours a day sitting on the couch in their parents' basement while the rest of us live normal lives.

But I digress.

Video games are a release regardless of the genre. I am very appreciate of the men and women that have fought and died to protect this country, but when I'm playing I don't think of it in that regard. It is a game. In Call of Duty, it happens to be based on war. Does it make me want to go out and really gun someone down. No, but it is competition and allows the opportunity to play with friends or people you don't really know and forget about bills or work for a few minutes or hours.

While the wife doesn't dislike video games, it shouldn't surprise you that she mentions mystical creatures or superheroes battling it out. She would rather play games based on fictitious themes while I like mine to be a bit more realistic in nature such as COD or MLB 09. Video games are my Jane Austen and here we go....

Women like Jane because her writing has transcended time. Although her wit and humor escape me, Krissy eats it up like it will expire in minutes. Jane is her escape back to Victorian times (note from krissy: not victorian; regent england) where men would show their love for women by giving them horses. Who gives a women a horse? I love you and here is a horse to prove it. She will say that it is romantic and takes place during a time when men were sweet and proper.

I've seen how proper they are. Its the same way it goes down today only with bigger words, goofier clothes, and horses. Jane Austen is not like playing a video game, but it is an escape. However, I often wonder what it would be like if someone came out with a Jane Austen themed video game.

I know what your thinking, that's brilliant! Millions of women would be on that faster than a fat kid on a cupcake. Take your pick on which novel, it wouldn't matter. The premise would be simple - wonder the countryside and play matchmaker. The first level could be an easier one where you have to get two regular people together. As you progress through the game, it becomes more difficult to get people together and the game could end if Jane could make magic happen between a common woman and a duke or a high society aristocrat. Tea, jewelry, and horses would be at your disposal along with a sharp wit. Think of what the online play would be like. My wife along with thousands of others controlling a fancy dressed Jane Austen or Jane Austen character frolicking around England laughing, crying, and chasing men.

Imagine that. If there are any video game developers that ever read this, please don't EVER make a game like that. You would become rich, but please don't subject any man to that kind of torture.

I thank you and so does every other man.

call of duty

brian often enjoys coming home from work, having a beer, and shooting people.

it's a way for him to relieve the pent up aggression that has been building the whole day while he deals with the practical predicaments a retail manager finds himself in.


why i can relate to the need for release, i don't understand the attraction to call of duty. the cacophany of the gunfire alone is enough to drive one insane, not to mention the idiotic comments people make into their headsets, including one guy (cartman?) yelling to his mom to bring him a sandwich.


my feelings about the game can be summarized thusly: war is not a game.

it's not video games i object to. i love being captain marvel and shazaming someone into oblivion. but over time i have definitely evolved a distaste for war games. it just seems wrong to know the "enemy" really exists out there - even if at one time americans were at war with japan (economic war aside) and germany, killing them with dogs or a sniper rifle should not be celebrated. it's different when a gamer is destroying a fantastical beast with three heads and a bad temper. there is no real world equivalent, no time in our history when a soldier has been suffering that reality.

sweetheart, please stick to shooting zombies. it's less morally repugnant.

why jane austen rocks

i have a jane austen action figure. you know why? cause she's awesome. a brilliant authoress who managed 200 years ago to create the intellectual woman's romance novel. nothing is as satisfying as when the smart, well-accomplished, and witty heroines of jane's world end up deliriously happy.

i believe in asking myself "what would jane do?" when in doubt.

unfortunately, the nuances of jane's humor and social commentary are lost on my chowderhead husband, whose brain is too full of batting averages and quotes from step brothers to absorb anything else.

however, i am certain if pride and prejudice was set in chicago and starred john cusack as mr. darcy and jeremy piven as mr. bingley, he'd be all about it.

on the other hand, one of my most favorite things brian has ever said went down like this: i am driving brian and his friend mike through the drive-thru at white castle. they have been drinking. i have not. the girl wearing the headset and working late-night at white castle is looking at me with pity. brian is telling mike that my girlfriends and i are going to have a jane austen movie night. mike replies, "jane austen? isn't she married to one of the grumpy old men?" brian says, disdainfully, "dude, jane austen wrote books in the 1800s. god."

yes, he can be taught!

before he says anything, i quote jane when i say, "one half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other". this so applies to us.

Being married does mean sharing everything....

However, the line must be drawn somewhere. The true nature of the dorkiness of your significant other doesn't really come out until after the wedding. There are always hints, but it never comes full circle until it is already too late.

While it is true that I have seen all the Harry Potter movies, along with Twilight and the Lord of the Rings Trilogy; it is amusing that my nerdy wife left out all the other nerdy and mundane things that I have attempted to sit through. She conveniently left out the time I sat through The 10th Kingdom and I can't leave out the Jane Austen movies like Sense and Sensibility and Pride and Prejudice. I will gladly applaud any man that can make it through a Jane Austen movie for more than 15 minutes before he starts watching the back of his eyes and snoring. Those movies can cure insomnia.

It is also true that I did not live up to my end of the deal regarding our bet. I'm not really a reader, but I did try and I just couldn't read about the adventures of Harry Potter and Treacle Tarts and whatever else is in the books that have hooked billions of adults. You do realize it is a book for children....just checking for a pulse here. It must also be pointed out that right at this very moment while I'm writing this blog, the wife is reading a book with a dragon on the cover-not sure what it is called and not sure that I want to know.

Let the record be straight. I enjoyed Batman: The Animated Series long before I met the wife and continue to like it to this day. We also have Lego Batman for the PS3.

Also, not a Trek hater, just didn't watch it when I was a child because I was out playing in the backyard instead of watching bad acting and people shooting phasers that looked like Zenith remote controls with handles.

The side of the story that you did not read is the part when I am downstairs watching a sporting event. She doesn't just sit down and read or blog, she complains about wanting to watch something else or guess what; play Lego Batman or Indiana Jones on the PS3! So instead of watching the end of Game 5 of the Magic/Celtics series where Glen Davis hits a game winning shot as time expires, I'm off exploring Gotham City looking for The Mad Hatter or Bane causing mischief and mayhem.

While I have become a bit more nerdy, Krissy has become more perverted. She has quite the extensive vocabulary and will drop the occasional "ass clown" when the moment strikes. I fully believe that everyone is nerdy in their own way and that is what makes us all unique. For example, I am a big Transformers fan, not a big enough one to go to the convention, but a big enough one to buy the entire TV series on DVD. It does bring back good childhood memories where instead of going to work, I could act out battles with Optimus Prime and Megatron. The key word being childhood, but those days are long gone and I digress.

Marriage is a two way street and it is a lot of fun. Regardless of the nerdy things that my wife may do, I'll continue to keep her around even as she continues to lust over fictional characters that can beam through space or fall in love with a human when he is a vampire.

That's right Edward, I know what you're up to.

Side note: Optimus Prime would totally kick Edward's ass.

being married means sharing every thing, even nerdiness

i'm going to say straight up, i love star trek. i love the new movie and might have a teeny crush on spock. i loved when the episodes were on spike every afternoon. i would come home and watch an episode or two while making dinner. it accounted for my daily dose of nerdiness and was pure bliss.

i ask, why can't my husband share this joy?

brian has become significantly more nerdy since we've been married. he has seen all the harry potter movies and even read the first chapter and a half of sorcerer's stone. this was because of an ill-conceived agreement that he reneged on - i promised i would not complain about how much sports he watched on the weekend if he would read a chapter of harry potter a night. ha. that lasted for a night and a half.

i convinced him to watch the lord of the rings trilogy with me and he actually watched the third movie by himself when i wasn't home.

he liked the part in twilight when james gets decapitated.

his life is better because i introduced him to batman: the animated series.

so why is he a star trek hater? he liked the new movie. we've seen it twice. but he insists he will not watch the series.

i guess he feels about it the same way i feel when i come downstairs and see nba basketball (which he doesn't even really like) on the tv. a slight revulsion and the sting of impending boredom. but i sit and watch. because that's what married people do. so what if i am reading a book while doing it?

SALE = AWESOME CHANCE TO SAVE MONEY

sale is a 4-letter word, alright. a 4-letter word that could be likened to love or life.

why deny the inevitable? i'm going to shop. i'm going to be enticed by a cute dress or a $28 headband or that darling kate spade clutch.

are you picturing eve with the apple?

i just figure, why not do the inevitable purchasing when i can do it at a discount? the husband brings up the example of a bathing suit for greece. fact: we are going to greece. fact: i do not own a bathing suit i would ever wear in public. fact: i need to buy a bathing suit. fact: j. crew's spring sale offers bathing suits at substantial discount. conclusion: shop j. crew's spring sale for bathing suit.

i found a suit, originally $76.00, for $39.99. and i got free shipping.

now, i did get sidetracked by a few other items...a swimsuit cover, 2 dresses, and a super adorable merino cardigan. both dresses were originally about $150 and i got them for under a hundred. i wear dresses all the time, especially in the summer, because i hate shorts. so the money is worth it.

and what about the $275 kate spade handbag i got for under $100, including shipping? that's shopping saavy, people.

technically, with the money i have not spent, brian could purchase his precious driver. keep in mind, i wear clothes everyday and he has played golf a total of 3 times in the last two years.

SALE = TROUBLE

A four letter word that can make a man tremble especially when it comes to his wife or girlfriend going on a shopping adventure. There are two different ideologies when it comes to a sale, the man's point of view and the woman's point of view.

Man's point of view: How much did it cost?

Woman's point of view: I spent this much, but I saved so much more.

Based on my previous experience with the other person that contributes to this blog, I almost always find myself curious as to how that big brain of hers operates when it comes to shopping.

My best guest is when her mind is made up that she is going shopping, 70% of her brain power shifts to how cute a certain pair of pants are and what top can she buy that will match it perfectly, and the thought of purchasing more shoes take up the other 30% of all the brain activity. I liken the overwhelming urge of shopping in women to the feeling a man gets while sitting at a poker table when he knows he's got the hand won.

Holy rusted metal Batman!

So this topic comes up based on the online shopping experience of the wife earlier in the week. I arrived at the homestead after work to see Krissy making dinner. During dinner, we started talking about the day and I ask about the swimsuit shopping. We are going to Greece in June and a new swimsuit is needed. When I talked to her earlier in the day, she told me she was going to shop online for one which didn't really alarm me until she said where she was shopping. J Crew is one of her favorite stores and one of my least favorite. Not because I don't like their clothes, but because it always a costly endeavour. As our conversation continues, I ask the amount that was spent and nearly fell out of my chair.

This is where the fundamental difference between the two sexes. I only think of the total amount spent where the wife thinks about how much she saved. Not only that, but one swimsuit mystically turned into several other dresses and outfits for our trip. It was hard for me to hide my displeasure so we talked about how the word SALE is a trap that allows women to easily justify spending more money on more things that they will complain about looking fat in. While the man has to deal with the amount of money spent and the days of whining about whether she should have bought a bigger size of an item that doesn't make their butt look too big.

Sales are my worst nightmare especially when it entails a trip to J Crew, Crate & Barrel, and Banana Republic. I can't find a big enough beer or blow up enough people on Call of Duty to make myself feel better. I have learned to plan for the worst and hope for the best. Usually, I think the number will be high and when it comes in under that, I don't feel so uneasy.

When your faced with this predicament; just try to think about how much it would have cost if she bought everything at regular price and the new driver you could have bought at Dick's.

On a side note, Dick's is having a really good sale on golf clubs through the rest of the month. Maybe I should switch my thinking too and try to improve my golf game.

Just thinking here. Can someone help me out? My golf game could use some and a new driver can go a long way. No pun intended.